the TRUTH

I'M NOT BEAT.. ALL MY TRUE PEOPLES KNO DA DEAL...AND THEY KNO WASSUP.... SO I'M NOT 2 BEAT FOR THE KIDDY SHIT.. U WANNA ACT LIKE U GROWN.. THEN SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES LIKE U GROWN

the TRUTH

KEEPIN IT REAL

I am some what tipsy right now as i write this so.... here it goes ... I found this letter and poem my ex female wrote me... and i realized that she lied in and all the way through it. She says she wants 2 b wifey but when she is wifey... she fucks it up by fuckin wit the next dude. That isn't my problem.... she says how she wants 2 meet my momz and she did that...and then she fucked it up by fucking with the next dude. And then i was like i don't wanna look at this shit no more so i sent her an IM and was like.. i need 2 give you this shit back because you lied to me in it. Talkin bout how u gonna b my ride or die chick and you TRIED TO PLAY ME.... a ride or die chick wouldn't do that. She gave me this poem full of what I feel are empty promises.. something that still hurts no matter how much i try to hide it. My feelings for her were and somewhat still are real but she plays too many games for me. I tried to be there for her but she pushed me away jus like she does a lot of people which she doesn't realize and then wants everyone to believe she is the victim. So instead of playing the game.. i am folding and taking my heart off the table because i choose to no longer get involved and the only way i know how to get rid of the feelings is to get rid of the person i have them for. when i say that, i mean i will not speak to her, i will not look at her, it will be like she never existed because apparently that is what i mean to her no matter how much she states otherwise. I tried to help you out wit ur situation but u acted like u ain't need my help and like u ain't want me 2 care..... puttin up away messages like "i don't know why people ask questions when they don't care" and "who are you"...#1.. if i didn't care... I WOULDN'T FUCKIN ASK....# 2.. thas bullshit and you know it.. so apparently what you say about you supposedly caring about me... and still loving me and not your new man was all bullshit....and don't ever lie and say none of that came out of your face....because you and i both know it did. MORE THAN ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i'm giving you what you want...

Like a Diary of a Mad Black Woman teaches everyone.. KARMA IS A SUMMABITCH son.... what ever you do to someone else... comes back to you 10 times fold.... so jus beware.... its comin son... and all i can say is I FORGIVE YOU... but it is time for me 2 leave you the fuck alone because apparently you were no good for me anyways.. I stuck up for you when people doubted you, i stuck up for you when people talked about you but me being me.. i do a lot out of the kindness of my heart and NEVR say anything but in return.. my shit gets stepped on because people care about nothing but themselves but its ok...because i got my real peoples here at shu... all i n eed is them, a dime and a dutch...and we are all good...so get at me and no more of this bullshit away message wars...its childish and i'm not too beat anymore... I have no beef wit u but I don't like how people keep comin up 2 me askin about you.. because they knew that me n u were supposed 2 be..but i guess you had other plans....love me n leave me... lol... HAHAHAHA..well play with my head and leave me.. and if u got sumthin 2 say 2 me.. u kno where I stay at...come HoLLa at me

thinking

Right now.. i am sitting in my 10am philosophy class with professor mayhew and if he doesn't stop looking a me over my laptop...i'm gonna knock him the fuck out... he talks so damn much to hear himself speak. Anyways... last night i was thinking.. why do people try to run from their feelings? it makes no fuckin sense to me.. if you care for someone and you know that person cares for you just about as much... why run? Why be with someone else.. i wouldn't kno.. but my ex-girlfriend would. How do you fuckin tell me that you still love me and care about but you are still with someone else(dumb ass bullshit)... i hate that shit. it makes me soooooo fuckin mad... what she does is what she does..and it doesn't phase me.. but don't make it seem like u might b breakin up wit him.. n then tryin 2 play wit my emotions.. i'm not FUCKIN STUPID.... you should know this.. i think to damn much...i am too intelligent for that... WAAAAAYYYYY to intelligent... my mom raised me a lot better than that.. she raised me to think and express my feelings and i did that and now she thinks its iight to try and play wit em... thas wassup... and then.. KNOWING i'm sleep... you send me an IM askin me about some homework i did fall of my freshman year.... wen we were together even on good terms, i woulda helped you out.. but now that we aren't and you are with someone else.... u're good.. u ain't gettin shit from me..

WAIT........then i asked to borrow her charger while i was at work and she said coo.. once i got off.. i took it back to my room with me.... she calls my phone at 2 sumthin in the mornin.. cussin on my voicemail sayin "muthafucka how you gonna steal my muthafuckin charger? I need my shit"... # 1. don't fuckin call my phone drunk as hell.. that fuckin irritates the shit outta me.. you should know that because i had friends that would call me when they were drunk and i'd get irritated then. # 2. if i wanted ya fuckin charger... i woulda bought me one.. my mom makes enough to buy me 2000 of them damn things if i wanted them. i don't need or want for anything... #3. i have my own fuckin job with my own fuckin money.. i could buy one my damn self if i wanted a charger that bad. as my homie Janelle would say... "BOOP...... sorry come again. I'm gonna need you to get it together"

someone said to me which i think is SOOOO true
WHENEVER A WOMAN FINDS THE PERFECT MAN FOR HER, SHE FINDS SOMETHING WRONG WITH EVERYTHING, AND EVERYWAY TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP. WHEN SHE FINDS A FUCKED UP MAN, SHE FINDS EVERY WAY TO STAY WITH HIM AND KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING.....HMMM THIN ABOUT THAT ONE.

now that i've vented... i feel a lot better... i spent Valentine's Day wit my mom dukes because she was my valentine and i had SOOOO much fun. She knows how to make me feel better and jus make me happy. I miss home a little bit. She sent me flowers, a teddy bear, she gave me 2 DVD's, Ray and Open Water. Also she gave me my mask that she brought back from New Orleans (Mardi Gras) so i'm good.... HoLLa

Valentine's Day

Today is a good day. Even though I don't have a valentine.. i know that i am good cuz i wasn't a sucker.. i didn't go out and spend MAD money i didn't have to spend to show someone i love them. I love people because of who they are and everyday, not because of what they give me or on 1 day of the year. I have come to realize that being alone on valentine's day isn't that bad because there are plenty of people who are alone along with you. I have come to realize that being alone is okay and i am happy and fine with that. When i was younger i would have been upset because i didn't have a valentine but now that i am older, being by myself is good with and for me. I love myself and that is all who i need on valentine's day. Also my mom is my Valentine cuz she is always there even when i don't need her.... and she knows i love her everyday.... I LUV YA MA.....lol..

STATING THE OBVIOUS

To my old somebody special... I can't believe that you are such a liar. I found out a lot about you when we broke up. How do you start goin wit someone the day we break up??? THas crazy..and then say u developed feelings for someone in a matter of 4 or 5 hours... please explain that to me because that shit isn't possible. Don't fuckin try to play me for stupid cuz if anything.. you should know that is 1 thing I am far from. And for you to be like i was tryin 2 control u... no nigga... that was a fuckin thing about respect. You respect the wishes of the person u are wit and they respect yours.. it is about compromise...not control.. maybe you are not mature enough to realize it...but one day...when it happens to you.. you to shall realize...but hey...it isn't my problem anymore...i wish you 2 the best. I HAVE NO ANIMOSITY TOWARDS YOU I COULD ACTUALLY ...I JUS NEEDED 2 GET SOME THINGS OFF MY CHEST CUZ I COULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT U DID B4 ME AND WHO U DO AFTER ME

and to your man... NOBODY Is worried about you yo.. stop bein so fuckin paranoid. U got wat u wanted...so be happy and keep livin ya life...cuz i am not gonna stress shit ...its not worth it..... i suggest u keep ya girl happy or she'll go to the next nigga and do the same thing to you that she did to me... i wish you 2 the best and i hope ya'll grow old 2gether and do wat u do..

wow

Today has been an intresting as day.... as life goes on, I continuously begin to realize that people ain't shit. Sometimes i just wish that people knew how to act cuz i can't deal much longer. I need 2 escape these people filled with stupidity. Prime example...obviously if a someone keeps calling you, obviously they have some kind of feelings for you... so why on earth would you go and fuck your ex... knowing that you have made plans to chill with that person who likes you???? Come on now people... get it together... get ya shit n ya head right n then come get at me...EARLY

and why do people ask you stupid questions??? like "what's wrong??" answer... i don't want to talk....if i give you the look of death... obviously that means i don't want to talk.

And why do people blame other people for their mistakes.... FESS UP to your shit.... don't get mad at someone else cuz u fucked up... don't act grimey towards someone who has nothing to do with your situation. If anything.... be mad at yaself and give yaself the look of death...

well that is it 4 the night... i woke up and had an epiphany about things in life that make no sense

Leave me the fuck alone

Yo... why do people continuously hit you up if you are only givin them one word answers. Its like... obviously I am not tryin 2 talk 2 you....so LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!... and for all you nosey ass people out there..... if I don't speak to you, associate with you... DO FUCKIN SPEAK ON ME....don't look my way, don't speak my name...don't even think of me. And for all of you who think stupid shit without knowin me, askin me or talkin 2 me.... FUCK OFF... you can jump off a bridge and die cuz u ain't shit...I have come to realize in my 2 years here at this GOd forsaken school... PEOPLE AIN'T SHIT.... so stop frontin like u tha shit...wen u are corny as hell.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE..... I am havin a good week... and I can only hope that the year continues to be this good.